Back at it

Hello everyone!
Im back after yet another hiatus, my apologies! I know people have been asking me to post more, but I've been quite busy with school and life in the past month, and will continue to be for the next month or so, but I want to try and update this more! I will definitely attempt to post regular recipes etc once school is done.
The reason I thought I'd post is that once again ( I believe this will be the 4th time) I am doing the Wild Rose Cleanse. If you look back to the beginning of my posts, thats actually what I first started writing about. The reason Im doing a cleanse, is because honestly there is no better time than tomorrow.
My eating has been absolutely horrible in the past month or so, and I've gained quite a bit of weight.
When I get into these bad eating cycles, its hard for me to stop. I have a history with binge eating, and its something I have struggled with for some time, and Im finally ready to tackle my issues and get started again on a healthy path.
I think the most upsetting thing is definitely the weight gain, since the beginning of September I've put something close to 20lbs on.. Its really embarrassing to admit it, but I guess thats the first step in change, is admitting your problems. I just feel not only unattractive and gross, but just so unhealthy. What I should do is listen to my own words of wisdom and re-read my own blog! ( That'll teach me for not posting regularly!)
Over the weekend I just celebrated my 25th Birthday (its hard to say that number, thats ONE thing I DONT want to accept :p) and I partied and indulged just a little bit.. okay a lot :) but I had a fabulous time. I think it was a real eye opener looking at my birthday pictures from this weekend, and realizing that this weight gain is NO JOKE! My weight has always fluctuated up and down 8 lbs over the last 4 or so months, but now its seemed to creep up and up and I've just let myself go.
As I said though, its kind of depressing dealing with looking at myself in the mirror right now. Not only have my terrible eating habits lately caught up with me, but there is going to be several things my body is going to be detoxing from.
First, and most obviously, is the food. Over eating, bingeing, and eating unhealthy foods has got to go. That in itself should help a lot with indigestion, bloating, skin problems, and weight gain. I know its going to be a hard 12 days, but I actually want to continue the eating portion of the cleanse (minus the pills) after the 12 days, and slowly re-introduce some of the other foods back once I'm done.
Secondly, smoking. Yes, I know, its terrible, and has been a long time disgusting habit. Its my 25th year and I just figure for gosh sakes I have to stop! Its so unhealthy, gross, makes you ugly, and its just unattractive. Its just been a hard one to quit. Each time Ive done the cleanse though, for some reason, Ive managed to stop for those 12 days, so I figure I'll quit all these things at once.
The third thing is aspartame and artificial sweeteners, processed foods, etc. I had quit drinking diet pop for a while, and switched to Zevia, but somehow got back onto it in a big (bad) way. I started drinking diet drinks, sugar free gum, and mints etc that all contain the deadly additive. I know its a horrible thing and this as well I am going to quit.
Next is alcohol. Definitely not allowed this on the cleanse, and thats fine. Once its over I will have it in moderation, and trust me I don't want to see the stuff for quite some time after 2 nights of craziness. Lets just say Im still not feeling too good and its midnight haha.
I think my body is going to be in shock tomorrow because this weekend was BY FAR one of the worst binge/unhealthy/drinking/smoking weekends Ive had in some time and today I completely let myself go. I had every single food item i wanted and things that I would NEVER normally eat, knowing that Im starting the cleanse tomorrow, I figured I'd "have them for the last time". I honestly feel so absolutely disgusting, I can't WAIT to start feeling happy and healthy and thin again.
Okay this is kind of just a rant about this I just wanted to check in let you guys know where Im at, and I will definitely be updating on the status of the clenase and hopefully some good recipes/tips that I come across during the process. Wish me luck on my 12 days to health!!
(also, just a PS, I am thinking of starting back at Weight Watchers, more to come on this after I go back to my first meeting)
Any motivation/suggestions/tips are always welcome in the comments :)
xo Good night all!
Health and Happiness are on their way!!! Positivity!!!